She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
