I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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