I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
