Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
