umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
