Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
