16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize