I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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