Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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