Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
