Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
