please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
