4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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