I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
