our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
