You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize