I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so let's talk penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
