so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its liver damage thursday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
