and you said cock pushups were impossible
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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