So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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