FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
