I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
