Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
