Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
