just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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