dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
