I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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