Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
