part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
