I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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