Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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