i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
