evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So much rum. So many feels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
