sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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