Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
