i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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