Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
