so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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