Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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