Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize