ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
