Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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