He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just forgot I was standing up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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