peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
