Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
