I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
