my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
handjob tips. give me some.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
