sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
