No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
