she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
