well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
