you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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