after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
