I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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