He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
