they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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