Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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