i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
