the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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