He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
