You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize