Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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