Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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