he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
