Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
