how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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