We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You left your phone here
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