not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
