Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
