Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
