We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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