I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
